擴(kuò)展部分的寫(xiě)作
    關(guān)于擴(kuò)展部分的寫(xiě)作，很多寫(xiě)作教材從寫(xiě)技巧的方面有說(shuō)明，什么舉例啦/比較啦/討論因果啦,……等等。當(dāng)然這些技巧是有用的,問(wèn)題是什么時(shí)候來(lái)用，沒(méi)有一本教材告訴大家,這是做不到的。這樣一來(lái)，既使大家知道了這些技巧的說(shuō)法，卻仍然不能寫(xiě)出像樣的文章。其中有兩個(gè)可能重要原因:第一，引入段落中沒(méi)有主題陳述，造成擴(kuò)展部分沒(méi)有依托，不知從哪里下筆；第二，有了一些想法，但卻不知道這些想法中哪里需要擴(kuò)展。這只是我讀考生作文練習(xí)作品的推測(cè)，當(dāng)然也不排除在寫(xiě)擴(kuò)展部分有其他原因。
    其實(shí)，擴(kuò)展部分的功能就是對(duì)引入部分中主題陳述的說(shuō)明，也就是將主題陳述中比較關(guān)鍵的那一點(diǎn)寫(xiě)清楚。如果那一點(diǎn)可以分為多個(gè)方面來(lái)說(shuō)，那一般情況下擴(kuò)展部就應(yīng)當(dāng)有相應(yīng)的幾個(gè)段落。如果要將這幾個(gè)方面放入一個(gè)段落來(lái)寫(xiě)，那得有相當(dāng)高的語(yǔ)言、結(jié)構(gòu)能力才行，否則容易寫(xiě)亂。
    對(duì)于擴(kuò)展部分的寫(xiě)作，首先要將主題陳述分方面、分小點(diǎn)，每一個(gè)小點(diǎn)應(yīng)是一個(gè)分觀點(diǎn)。然后對(duì)于這個(gè)分觀點(diǎn)中哪一部分是關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)（當(dāng)然有時(shí)候整個(gè)語(yǔ)句都重要），后續(xù)的句子就可是說(shuō)明、釋義、突出意義等等策略使用，以寫(xiě)作中舉例、因果、過(guò)程描述……技巧來(lái)體現(xiàn)。
    舉我上面對(duì)willingking第一段修改后的比較后一句為起點(diǎn)（那一句是控制全篇的主題陳述）來(lái)說(shuō)明。
    這一句是主題陳述。其中主要信息是the personal computer turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people。而這一句中關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)是murdering time and energy而已。因此下文只須擴(kuò)展這兩點(diǎn)即可，也就是讓讀者看，電腦如今是如何糟蹋相當(dāng)一部人的和精力的。
    那么文章的第二個(gè)自然段就應(yīng)當(dāng)圍繞第一個(gè)方面:murdering time來(lái)擴(kuò)展；第三個(gè)自然段圍繞murdering energy來(lái)擴(kuò)展。在考研中可以將這兩個(gè)自然段合而為一，不過(guò)要很好地使用過(guò)渡詞語(yǔ)，以表明這兩點(diǎn)之間的關(guān)系。
    當(dāng)然第二段的寫(xiě)作，一般不會(huì)直接說(shuō)the personal computer murders the time of those who indulge in it. 這里須要將murder換成consume，因?yàn)橹黝}陳述中的murder原本就一個(gè)比喻的用法，這里還原本義。但是還原本義之后，卻不能體現(xiàn)作者的態(tài)度了，解決辦法是添加副詞來(lái)修飾，以表明作者的態(tài)度。順便說(shuō)一句，形容詞、副詞不是隨便用的。用它們是為了準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)，增強(qiáng)文章的表現(xiàn)力。這里可很簡(jiǎn)單地加上worthlessly, 或uselessly，insignificantly …，但不能用meaninglessly。這樣第二段的開(kāi)始句（主題句）便可輕易地寫(xiě)出來(lái)了。The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it./Those addicted to the personal computer always spend worthlessly their time on it.
    有了主題句，后面就該圍繞這一主題句中consume worthlessly/spend worthlessly進(jìn)行擴(kuò)展，這個(gè)語(yǔ)詞可稱(chēng)作這一段落的支配觀點(diǎn)。如何擴(kuò)展呢？先來(lái)分析一下這個(gè)短語(yǔ)中到底含有什么：第一，consume/spend，耗費(fèi)時(shí)間；第二，worthless，毫無(wú)價(jià)值，甚至有害。
    關(guān)于consume/spend的擴(kuò)展現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)變化的很清晰了，只要寫(xiě)出電腦耗了那些人大量的時(shí)間就可以了。至于怎樣表現(xiàn)大量時(shí)間不須我再說(shuō)了，舉例就行了。
    然后擴(kuò)展worthless，這里也很清晰了，只需寫(xiě)出這些時(shí)間毫無(wú)回報(bào)，甚至有害，也是舉例就可以了。見(jiàn)下文。
    As is shown in the picture above, a hand is tightly glued to a computer mouse linked to a personal computer by an iron chain. Clearly, the iron chain stands for the control of the computer over the person who indulges himself in the cyberspace. An implication from the picture can be figured out that the personal computer, a high-tech device originally created for saving time and energy so as to benefit humankind, ironically turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people.
    The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it. A survey shows the average time spent on it of those addicted amounts to 16 hours a day. And the minimum continuous time spent on the computer is 12 hours, while the maximum soars surprisingly to 168 hours-a whole week! Needlessly to say, the computer has eaten up their time for work,for sports and, worse still, their precious time for rest-a natural activity for refreshment to keep the body functioning normally.
    The personal computer has also depleted their vigor. In the survey, almost all those computer freaks feel sluggish in their jobs. They have lost their interests in outdoor activities. Some even become so feeble that they sweat when standing for a short while. It seems that they are being burned out by the high-tech monster.
    willingking的第三段析評(píng):
    What should be done to cope with this severe phenomenon? In the first place, we must advertise more on this subject by mass media, in order to keep folks informed of the harm of abusing computers. In the second place,an education campaign must be launched, particularly among the get-use-to-computers young people. In the third place, the government should pass through relevant laws to limit on-line games. All in all, the whole society should try their best to solve this problem.
    【總體評(píng)語(yǔ)】
    第三段willinging總體上寫(xiě)得不錯(cuò)，提出了具體的解決辦法，呼應(yīng)了文章的一開(kāi)始，沒(méi)有走題，不錯(cuò)。問(wèn)題在于辦法雖多，卻基本上沒(méi)有寫(xiě)清楚為什么可以用這些辦法的理由。這樣一來(lái)，辦法的可信度、意義就大打折扣了。
    【技巧評(píng)語(yǔ)】
    還可以。但還是顯得欠靈活。其實(shí)，只需提出一種辦法，說(shuō)清楚它的好處就可以了。另外，第一句像是湊字?jǐn)?shù)；這一問(wèn)是不必要的。另外比較后一句并沒(méi)有能夠圍繞這一段中的前面三個(gè)辦法來(lái)總述，顯得大而無(wú)當(dāng)。這似乎也是很多初學(xué)英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作者的通病,喜歡大發(fā)感慨。
    【語(yǔ)言評(píng)語(yǔ)】
    羅嗦。第一句當(dāng)刪除。第二in the first place，可改為firstly； 后面的至少可改為we must inform them the harms from abusing computers by the mass media；所以第一句可以改成To solve the problem, we must inform them the harms of abusing computers. 后面的類(lèi)似，不再贅言�？偟膩�(lái)說(shuō)，語(yǔ)言過(guò)于追求復(fù)雜，使得要點(diǎn)淹沒(méi)于眼花繚亂的詞語(yǔ)和句式之中。