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    Do As the Americans Do

    在美國學會入鄉(xiāng)隨俗

    Be confident.“Confidence” is probably one of the most noticeable traits in the Americans. They show confidence in the way they talk， the way they smile， the way they dress and the way they walk. Living and competing with all these confident American students， I find it extremely important to be confident as an international student and instructor. As a student， being confident means you should never hesitate to raise your hand whenever a question or a point comes to your mind. Don‘t mind if it sounds simple or silly. Otherwise you will never get a chance to speak in class at all. What’s worse， the professors may think you are not prepared for the discussion or you do not have your own opinion on the issue——this is the last comment any graduate would like to receive. Being confident for me as a foreign instructor means calmly asking the student to repeat what he or she has said if I did not get it. Pretending to understand what you actually did not may just bring yourself embarrassment or even disgrace. But the time I most need to be confident is when my students come to my office and bargain about the grades I have given for their speeches. （The course I‘m teaching here is Public Speaking）。 Modesty is a trait highly valued in China， but it won’t be of much help here if you want to survive and succeed in a good American graduate program.

    要自信。自信大概是美國人比較顯著的特征之一。他們在與人交談、微笑、著裝及走路的姿勢中都表現(xiàn)出一種自信。與這些充滿自信的美國學生一起生活和競爭，作為一個外國學生和老師，自信顯得極為重要。作為學生，自信意味著有問題或看法時隨時舉手發(fā)言。不要去想這問題或看法是否太簡單或可笑。否則你在課堂上永遠沒有說話的機會。更糟糕的是，教授們可能會認為你對課堂討論沒有準備，或認為你對討論的問題沒有自己的看法——這是任何一個研究生都不愿意受到的評價。我作為外國老師，自信就意味著，如果我沒聽清楚學生的話，便要沉著地請他或她重復一下。沒有聽懂而假裝聽懂，可能會讓你尷尬甚至丟丑。對我來說比較需要自信的時候，是我的學生到辦公室來爭論我對他們所做演講的評分（我教的課名叫“公共演講”）。謙虛在中國是很受推崇的，可要在一個好的美國研究生院生存和成功的話，它幫助不大。

    Be polite. Coming from a country known for good manners and etiquette， I certainly was not prepared for the embarrassment I experienced during my first shopping. The cashier said，“Hello， ma‘am， did you have a nice day？” I looked around and behind before I realized that he was actually talking to me. Fortunately， I quickly figured out how to be polite in the American way. Being polite means keeping saying “Hello， how are you doing？” to anyone you run into anywhere——in the hallway， in the restroom or on the street. Never bother about how he or she is really doing. Neither should you bother others with your troubles even if you are not doing very well. People are just too busy to really care. Just remember to give your greeting even if you have no time to listen to the response. Being polite also means smiling to strangers you meet in the elevator， on the street， in the supermarket or mall. The safest way is to smile and say “hi” to anyone who has eye contact with you.（The Americans never use nodding as a way of greeting.） Of course， being polite also means expressing your appreciation verbally or via email or note whenever anybody does a favor for you. Never take any favor from anybody for granted.

    要有禮貌。來自一個以禮儀著稱的國度的我，對第一次去購物出現(xiàn)的尷尬局面毫無準備。收銀員說：“你好，太太，你今天過得好嗎？”我環(huán)顧前后左右才意識到他是在與我打招呼。幸運的是，我很快明白了美國人的禮貌之道。這意味著隨時隨地——不管是在樓道里，還是在洗手間，還是在路上，不斷對人說 ：“你好，怎么樣呀？”。不用理會他或她到底怎么樣。也不要拿你的事去煩別人，即便你真有不順心的事。大家都太忙了，無暇顧及他人。只是記住一定要問候別人，哪怕你都沒時間聽完對方的回答。有禮貌還表現(xiàn)在你在電梯里、街上、超市或商場里向遇到的陌生人微笑。比較保險的方法是對任何與你有眼神交流的人微笑并說聲“嗨！”。（美國人從來不用點頭來作為一種打招呼的方式。）當然， 有禮貌還表現(xiàn)在，不管什么時候什么人幫了你的忙，都要口頭或通過電子郵件或便條表示你的感激之情。決不要把人家給你幫的忙看成是理所當然的事。

    Be generous with your compliments. I wonder whether the Americans‘ confidence has anything to do with all those compliments they give to each other all the time. Compliments are exchanged between parents and children， between husband and wife， between friends or acquaintances， on every achievement or advance， major or minor. On a daily basis， they tend to give compliments on others’ appearance. So be sure to be quick at finding out if anybody is wearing anything new or impressive and remember to say，“You look awfully smart in this new shirt！” or “I really like your jacket！” or “That bag looks real cool”。 If you can‘t find anything new， then you can simply say，“Hey， you look great today！” As a teacher， I have learned to give generous compliments to my students whenever they put a question to me. I would say， “That’s a really good question”or“That‘s an interesting point” before I proceed to explain or give an answer， although the question may be ridiculous or foolish sometimes. There are certainly a lot of other things I’ve learned and adjusted to here， but there are also things that I know I will never be able to learn： shouting as a way of talking to your friends in the bar on Friday night， or driving at breakneck speed， winding down the windows of your car and playing rock‘n’roll at full volume so as to deafen every passenger on the road.

    多夸獎別人。我懷疑美國人的自信是與他們不斷給予彼此的夸獎有關(guān)。只要有成就或進步，不管大小，父母與孩子之間、夫妻之間、朋友之間、熟人之間都會互相夸獎。在平日里，他們都喜歡夸獎別人的外表。所以，要善于及時發(fā)現(xiàn)別人是否穿了新的或令人印象深刻的衣服，并要記住說：“你穿這新襯衣真靚！”“我真喜歡你的外套！”“你那背包真夠酷的！”如果你實在找不出什么新東西，你就干脆說：“嘿，你今天看起來真精神！”作為老師，我學會了不管什么時候?qū)W生提問都予以熱情表揚。我會說：“這個問題提得真好”或“這個看法很有意思”，然后我再予以解答，盡管有時候那問題可能很可笑或很傻。當然，我在這兒還學會了許多其他東西，但我知道也有許多東西我永遠也學不來。比如，周五的晚上去酒吧以喊叫的方式與朋友交談；或以快得可怕的速度開著車，把所有的車窗玻璃都搖下，放著搖滾樂，把音量調(diào)到比較大，讓路上的每一個行人都震耳欲聾……