雅思大作文點(diǎn)評(píng)：國(guó)家體育隊(duì)?wèi)?yīng)該由誰資助

作者：不詳　發(fā)布時(shí)間：2009-10-29 10:12:39　來源：網(wǎng)絡(luò)

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　　Some people believe that national sports teams who represent their country should be financially supported by the government. Some other people think they should be funded by non-governmental resources such as corporations and individuals. Do you agree or disagree?
　　Nowadays, because people as well as governments emphasis the importance of sports, the status of national sports teams has been enhanced. Hence, whether the expense of national sports teams should be paid by authorities or corporations is under controversy. In my opinion, it is the obligation that governments should support the national sports teams in terms of the financial aspect. （60w）
　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：第一段的寫作是2+1’，句型到具有一定的復(fù)雜和多樣性，但是仍然有錯(cuò)誤，特別是最后一句，雖為強(qiáng)調(diào)句，但是錯(cuò)得讓人看不懂。第一段比較重要的是清晰且直接的表達(dá)自己的觀點(diǎn)（一般寫在最后一句），另外幾句都是相關(guān)的背景介紹，一定要簡(jiǎn)潔，不要太長(zhǎng)。第一段總字?jǐn)?shù)在40詞左右即可，而此篇稍有冗長(zhǎng)之嫌。
注意：字?jǐn)?shù)多可并不是件好事，一則內(nèi)容繁瑣或無關(guān)，二則考試時(shí)間有限！
　　Since sports teams can’t make profit directly, they haven’t the privilege to use the money of the national budget. The capital that governments pay the fee of sports teams is the national revenue. If governments needn’t pay their fees, the funds can be used in other area, such as medical, education and infrastructure. （53w）
　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：第二段的內(nèi)容寫的比較簡(jiǎn)單，擴(kuò)展的一般，內(nèi)容不算特別充實(shí)，稍有重復(fù)之虞。且第二句的定語從句使用不正確，the capital是先行詞，that是關(guān)系代詞應(yīng)該在后面的從句中充當(dāng)主語或者賓語等成分，而此句that后面是個(gè)完整的句子就不對(duì)了。
注意：要想寫作拿到7分以上，內(nèi)容也是需要關(guān)注的。但是雅思大作文講究的是內(nèi)容充實(shí)，即論點(diǎn)后面有論證，并不要求同學(xué)們一味的追求內(nèi)容深?yuàn)W或者新穎！
　　However, the responsibility of the national sports team is to promote sports spirit and get honour which can’t be estimated by the economic standard. As long as they reach a great achievement in the international competition, the glory is not only belongs to a team, but also attribute to national citizens. If the team is ran by corporations or individuals, they are affiliated to a company or a person instead of a nation. (73w)
　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：此段內(nèi)容比第二段好些，更加充實(shí)有力，然而語言關(guān)依然沒有通過，還是有些低級(jí)的錯(cuò)誤。結(jié)構(gòu)倒是一貫地比較清晰。belong是沒有被動(dòng)語態(tài)的，run的過去分詞依然是run.
　　On the other hand, governments have ability and fruitful resource to cultivate sports teams. Though many companies and individuals have ability and talents who can train teams, their power isn’t as strong as authorities. Authorities can supply the best apparatus and choose the most suitable coach and athletes from whole country even around the world. In addition, governments don’t consider the economic profit of it. On the country, companies probably won’t invest in training sports teams when they discover that they can’t gain benefit from it. (86w)
　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：第四段是讓步段，即從反面角度來分析。內(nèi)容還是比較充實(shí)的，然而稍有矛盾！因?yàn)閛n the other hand是“另一方面”的意思，一般是與前幾段內(nèi)容對(duì)立的。而縱觀此段，貌似應(yīng)該用in addition, furthermore開頭更為合理些。紅色部分依然是語言的錯(cuò)誤，have the ability, the whole country, on the contrary。這些錯(cuò)誤暴露了作者的基本語言水平還不夠扎實(shí)。
　　To sum up, the national sports team is one of the symbol of a country. I advocate that authorities should invest in cultivating excellent sports teams. Though there are many obstacles, I am sure that we can conquer it by our efforts.(42w)（314words）
　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：第五段，即結(jié)尾段，一般是比較容易寫的，重申觀點(diǎn)即可，但不能照抄第一段已經(jīng)用過的語句！人稱方面有些問題，前面是說“country”，后面又變成了“we can…”，有些不統(tǒng)一。
　　總評(píng)：全文內(nèi)容方面尚可，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，但語言雖有一定的多樣性和復(fù)雜性，卻時(shí)而有錯(cuò)。再三考慮，6分。

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